Nothingness
by Demented Koneko
Summary: Raven reflects on his life and the emptiness that he feels.


**Authors Notes: **This is my first Zoids so it might not be very good. Basically it's just a one-shot that takes place four years after the defeat of Lord Prozen just before the Guardian Force season. Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes there may be. I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Zoids. Don't sue me and I'd be very grateful. ^_^;

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**Nothingness**

Stars… so many stars… so many that the eye cannot see… I remember stars, stars from a long time ago. I used to love to love them. But now… now they mean nothing to me. As far as I'm concerned those stars up there can be considered a representation of all those people I have killed. 

People… people are stupid and worthless. I hate them all. They have no right to live. They are all weak. I can crush them all like insects if I choose. But no, there is one insect I cannot crush, an idiotic fool that should have been dead long ago. He doesn't know the first thing about what it is to be a Zoid pilot. He thinks that they are his friends and that stupid organoid of his as his 'buddy'. 

Like I said before he doesn't know the first thing about Zoids. They are weapons of destruction, created to fight and annihilate. Zoids, all Zoids cause pain. So much bloodshed and destruction…. I hate all of them! And I especially hate those weaklings who think they're good enough to pilot them! Van flyheight… 

Van… My blood boils every single time I hear that name. The first time I met you, you were so weak, always depending on the power of your organoid to do everything for you. That first time I let you go but you kept insisting that you wanted to fight me. You were so full of confidence but I squashed you with ease. However the battles we had after that… well I admit that I underestimated you a bit. Not that I was worried of course. I live to fight and slowly I saw you become a more worthy opponent.

Somehow you were able to destroy my Saber fang. I bet you were pleased about that. Yet that was such a weak Zoid. It harvested way below my able capabilities. After you destroyed it I received the Genosaurer, another gift from lord Prozen. I couldn't believe my eyes when I first saw it, such a magnificent Zoid. I remember how shocked you were Van when you saw me in the Genosaurer. You thought you had gotten rid of me once and for all but that was only the beginning. I crushed your little Shield Liger within seconds. I thought I had finally killed you but you survived. No doubt because of that little organoid of yours. 

I battled you one final time after that, only this time things were different. It seemed that your shield Liger had evolved into a Blade Liger. I didn't give a damn that your Zoid had evolved, this time I knew it would be the end. I was going to finish which had lasted long enough. When your organoid and that stupid little Zoidian girl came flying out of your Zoid there was no way for you to continue on fighting. Without your precious Organoid you were nothing, but still you went on about that 'I can't give up' crap. It sickened me. You may have destroyed all conventional weapons on the Genosaurer but I still had the charge particle beam, the most powerful weapon of all. I wanted to destroy you so badly. My new goal in life was to finally see you dead. I wished for nothing more. In fact I would have easily have given my own life up just to defeat you. 

Finally I had you locked within my grasp, there was no escape and with the charge particle beam ready to fire, this would be your end. But you fought back. Some how you managed to penetrate through the charge particle blast with your own blade.  As a result the beam backfired towards the Genosaurer causing it to explode into flames.  Shadow managed to get me out in time. I could hear you laughing and cheering, celebrating your victory over killing me and within an instance I saw my entire life shatter into a million pieces. The Genosaurer, my Zoid, my very existence was destroyed by you in a matter of moments. 

I couldn't believe it at first. It had to be a dream, a horrible nightmare which I would soon wake up from.  But I knew the pain was all too real…I watched you leave, no doubt to run off and help your little friends. I stood for hours staring at the Genosaurer until it finally burned to ashes. I screamed. I wanted to run into the flames, I wanted to reclaim my soul. I wanted my Zoid to recover so I could go back and defeat him. I was about to until Shadow stopped me. It was the first time I can ever recall crying in my life. I fell to the ground now fully aware that I had been defeated. 

Horrible… such a horrible feeling… Not only did I suffer defeat but I suffered defeat from him. HE who for months I had hunted down. HE who I promised to defeat.  If someone had told me that that snot-nosed kid Van Flyheight would defeat me I would have laughed in their face, then of course kill them. It hurts even more when you believe that it could never happen. I was so sure no could beat me. Under the influence of Lord Prozen I was trained to be the ultimate Zoid pilot. I could wipe an entire army fleet of Zoids out in a second. Of course it's not very fun when you know your opponents are nothing but little weaklings. Then I met him, Van Flyheight the boy that would one day show me defeat. I will never forgive him!

A few days after I recovered I returned to the empire. Hundreds of people were out on the streets repairing the damage. Fearfully I asked what had happened. They told me that Prince Rudolf had returned to claim the throne and that Prozen had been killed. I couldn't believe it. That very man who had taught me how to fight, provided me with battles and gave me Shadow, was gone forever... I wanted to scream when they told me who had done it. Van Flyheight! That bastard ruined everything! It seemed that both Prozen and I suffered defeat that way, although depending on your point of view you could say he suffered a worst fate. 

After learning this I knew I had no reason to stay. If I stayed in the empire I was sure to be caught sooner or later. And so I left the capital. To this very day I haven't returned. Days, weeks, months, years have passed. But nothing matters anymore. I have lost the will to do anything. Within the Genosaurer was my soul and now that has turned to ashes. Then again maybe I never had a soul to begin with. For most it would be difficult to believe a guy like me could ever have possessed one. 

Even if I didn't have a soul I'm certain that Van stole something from me that day. In the past every time I heard that name I wanted to strangle someone. But now… now I feel nothing… I feel empty… An empty nothingness… In the past it hurt… now I feel nothing… Everything I do now seems mechanical. Fighting gave me a reason to exist and without it I am a mere doll wandering aimlessly around the world. To Van and his pathetic little friends I no longer exist, but I do, and for the first time I am slowly beginning to wish that I didn't. 

Now and again Shadow and I steal some Zoid and destroy republican bases. It is pointless really. I don't even know why I bother. Perhaps I am just trying to bring that old satisfaction back. However in the end I still feel nothing. I am not weak, I can crush those little soldiers easily. That doesn't matter though. Maybe I'm just too far gone to tell. It's funny how much things have changed with Lord Prozen gone. Many would say that he and I are alike.  We are nothing alike. He was looking for something different, I merely served him. I wanted to fight. he wanted absolute power over the planet. As if I'd care for something as conventional as that. 

But I have to admit he was very powerful. He had those fools wrapped around his little finger. Manipulative and proud… Under his command I had absolute freedom. Only now I have failed him. I was to kill Van Flyheight and I failed. I lost to him and I'll never forgive myself. Prozen is gone, as is my will to do anything. As far as I am concerned, my life is over. Some people would say that I should start fresh, but how can I when I'll never forget? The scar on my hand, the scar that will never leave me... My hand was gushing with blood after that battle, but I ignored it. I had more important things to think about. Now I wish I had done something, for every time I look at my hand I see the face of Van smirking at me.

I have wandered these deserts for almost four years now, Shadow close by my side. Shadow… how I hate him... I hate all Zoids… They all deserve to die… I hate them… I hate all of them! 

The stars are still shining. I remember someone told me that everyone has a star up there watching over and protecting them. It's funny, apart of me actually wants to believe this. How pathetic... 

I lower me head and turn away from the stars. From the corner of my eye I see Shadow ready to follow me. Stupid organoid… But I suppose it's better than being alone. Slowly I pull up my long sleeve and gaze at the scar that I gained four years ago. The scar that will never fade, the scar that will never let me forget… Both mentally and physically I suffer because of him. I get up and walk away, my lifeless eyes staring into nothingness. I hate him, but sometimes I hate myself even more… 

**Authors Notes: **I hope that was all right and not too bad. Any feedback or advice on how I could improve would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading! ^_^ 


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